Finally

Finally,
As in finally there is a light at the end of this dark, winding, scary tunnel. This will be a long one so I will have subheadings.

SCHOOL
or My Life as I like to refer to it. I have realized that Special Education is not my calling, luckily I am dual certified.  If I receive a job in the realm of Special Education I will fully embrace it and teach the children to the absolute best of my ability and I will put 110% of my heart into it.  However, I would rather be in my own classroom everyday and in that classroom I would want to serve students will all abilities, but I do not want students pulled out for special ed.  I love the idea of full inclusion.  That is my goal and because I will be certified in both areas I can fulfill my wish by serving all students in my class at all times, with no need for students to be pulled.  In today's world all teachers should receive dual certification and revolutionize the whole idea of Special Education. Well there's my mini soap box on that.
On another note I am 6 short weeks away from being finished with my last internship.  I also have Spring Break and 1 week of additional classes for a grand total of 8 weeks left. 8 Weeks! I will be finished with school before the yogurt in my fridge expires! Its bittersweet.  Because of the program I am in I have been forced to miss out on a lot of the typical college fun.  When you are in schools teaching 40 hours a week, then have class for 3 hours at night, and assignments that take weeks to complete, having a life takes a back seat.  I drove through campus today and saw so many students out playing Frisbee, laying out, running on the Quad.  I know I COULD do all those things but it wouldn't be enjoyable because I would be thinking about what still needs to be done for school.  At the same time I think about when August comes around and principals are calling for graduates from our program instead of us having to fight for interviews and jobs.  I think it will be worth it.  I hope. 
This last semester has been by far the most exhausting.  My first 4 semesters were tiring because of numerous overlapping assignments, long nights in the library, and so many different classrooms to get acclimated with.  They were physically and emotionally exhausting.  This semester is completely different, it is emotionally exhausting.  The population I am working with is different that what I am used to.  We are taught to be proactive and positive at all times.  In the past all of my students have responded wonderfully to this.  I am used to giving a stern look to a child and seeing results.  Now I am in a setting where I have been spat at, cursed, had desks thrown at me, I have broken up at least one physical altercation a day, and I feel like a failure.  Its a never ending cycle, it seems.  Every morning during announcements we have a moment of silence, during that time I pray earnestly that God will use me to reach those children.  I say it many times but often We are the only Bible some people read.  I hope that those children see His light shine through me each day. 

VBS
Speaking of difficult children....
the FMIL (future Mother in law) called today to ask which class I would like to teach at VBS this year.  I cut her of asking if Pre-K was still open.  I love LOVE the little ones and their open, whole hearted love for Christ.  Indeed PreK was still open, but they really needed someone to teach the older Youth. YUCK. was my first response.  And I began to say no, but something just didn't feel right.  I needed those older kids for some reason I was drawn to teaching them.  Everyone who normally teaches at VBS are mothers of the kids, and usually a bit older than the Youth.  I however am only about 5-6 years older than the majority of them.  AHA! God was showing me that I can use the fact that I was in their shoes recently to bring the word to them. And I think that is what I will do.  This is going to take much more prayer and preparation than Little Kids but I need this to open my eyes just as much as theirs.  God may use them to minister to me more than I could ever imagine.  :)

Weight Loss
Ehhh.... a touchy subject I have not done as well as I had hoped at this point, BUT I did jump on the Weight Watchers bandwagon with some other girls from school so maybe between them and having to pay there will be some accountability for me. I am miserable right now and something has to give.  Luckily due to a change in circumstances I was able to leave my job and now I have more free time to fill with workouts.

Teach it and Live it.

I work with the Special Education population and I love it.  Is is challenging sometimes? Yes But any job has its difficulties.  Today I experienced something that pushed me beyond being furious.  It is difficult to make me upset quickly.  Today broke that rule. 
I have a student who is physically handicapped but cognitively perfect. Often times students with obvious disabilities(or as I like to say exceptionalities)  will display behavior issues as well. BUT they are often trying to distract from their exceptionality.  This particular student has a very smart mouth and often does not know when to stop talking.  On occasion I have seen him make fun of other students which is never acceptable regardless of the situation.  Today this student was talking in the hallway and walking between others with his walker without saying excuse me.  A para-educator called him out in front of me and other students and said. "You sure do have a big mouth to be handicapped.  You can't even go to the bathroom by yourself and you are going to treat others like that? Boy, you have to have other people help you with everything you do noone is going to help you if you keep being rude."
My jaw was on the floor. 
I immediately pulled the child aside and reassured him that that was not the case at all. 
I do not understand how his exceptionality had ANYTHING to do with his actions.  There were plenty other students who were acting in the same manner but they were allowed to continue to do so with no reprimand of any kind.  I was physically sick over this situation.  Why do people in this world feel that it is okay to say such things.  A brilliant professor of mine had this posted on her Facebook today:
"Angry and very sad. Today I was painfully reminded once again of how very early poor African American black boys are criminalized and segregated for emotional/behavioral/anger issues in our school system when they have no one to advocate for them.. A stark reminder of how race/gender/class intersect with mental illness/disability and how in my friend C. Bell's words - you do get run over in the intersections"
It is a painful reality but we CAN do something about this.   Why are we not providing a better life and a hopeful future for these students?
Freedom Writers may be a bit cliche BUT that is the reality.  You have to gain trust and LOVE students into Learning.  Obviously fear and force is not the answer for these students why can we not see that?