Coming Home should include Valium

Let it be known that I typd this entire post on my phone as the events occured yesterday.  upon arriving at home I hit publish and it disappeared.

:/

It was much funnier when I was compiling this as it happened.
The emotion was raw and I was highy aggitated.

We've all seen Meet the Fockers

Well my parents are the Fockers. I am Greg/Gaylord or Whitney/Paige if we've formally met.

I have spent the majority of my life trying to convince myself and others that I am in fact adopted.

or raised by wolves.

My parents dance to the beat of a different drum. 

Don't get me wrong I LOVE my parents, and they are fantastic in their own ways but they are so ...... I don't think there is a word for it.

They live in their own world. Just a brief rundown of what happened yesterday.

I have like 5 frantic calls and texts from my mother at 1:00 pm.

Mom- "Where is your car battery?"

Me- I hope its in my car and why do you need to know?

Mom- Welllll I MAY have not turned your car all the way off this morning at work, and the battery seems to be dead.

Me- You MAY have?

Mom- Yeah I think I did.

Me- So you left my car "not exactly off" with the keys in it and the doors unlocked all day at work?

Mom- Looks like it.

*sidenote* this call takes place at 1:00pm my parents were supposed to leave at 2 to come pick me up from the airport. There are no jumper cables around at this point*

Me- Well my battery is in the back under the spare tire and stuff but I have a lot of boxes and school stuff back there, so you can just pop the hood and on either side of the engine there are remote poles you can attach the jumper cables to and it works just the same

Mom-  *dead silence*

Me- Mom??   I then realize she had hung up on me.

 She finally calls me back to inform me that she dropped her phone while emptying the back of my car out to get to the battery.

:) Again obviously I was raised by wolves.

Once that is taken care of I lug my 40.2 lb suitcase down 3 flights of stairs to catch a cab to the airport.

I have never ridden in a cab alone.  I've never paid and I've never spoken.  Lucky me got a chatty cab driver. A Vietnam Vet who discusss politics.  I have complete and utter respect for anyone who served their country but had no clue about anything he said. So I just smiled and nodded the whole way.

I am used to flying out of Atlanta, Nashville and large airports. Myrtle Beach has 10 gates and is the size of Wal Mart. Needless to say I was there 2 hours before my flight because I am ALWAYS at the airport 2 hours before my flight. (haha not really, funny story for later on that one)  Well I checked in, made it through security, and seated at the gate 1 hour and 45 minutes before my flight..... GREAT.

The Wal Mart airport I was flying out of had one store and that was it. So I read.... finished one book and started another..... Its 10 minutes until my flight departs and my plane still isn't there then I hear that dreaded announcement "Flight 403 with service to Atlanta has been delayed." GREAT.

It was only delayed an hour but My pops was almost to Atlanta at that point to pick me up. He gets lost everywhere he goes,  he travels with 2 GpSs and STILL gets lost everywhere he goes.

My flight finally leaves an hour and a half late and we fly through a terribe thunderstorm.  It looks like there is a strobe light on the plane as we touched down in Atlanta.

I finally get to the car and we get out of airport traffic and stop to get a drink.  I press the remote to lock my car and *nothing*

Pop- "Oh yeah your key thing quit working."

In February I spent $80 getting a new remote and getting it programmed. How did they break it already???

We finally get on the road to home.  He stops at every light red or green. We missed 3 exits.  All in downtown Atlanta. Oh and we were probally going 45mph at tops. GREAT

So we finally get within an hour of home and BOOM. We hit a deer. Yes like Bambi.  First thing my dad does is go check on the deer .
The deer that is in the middle of the road.

At night.

No streetlights.

No flashlights.

Oncoming traffic.

and of course a car comes flying up I am honking the horn and screaming bloody murder for my dad to get out of the road. 

My dad has had numerous back surgeries and walks like a toddler.

So after my small heart attack that occured as I watched that car fly by I hop out to assess the damage.

The deer is still alive and suffering and I have no way to put it out of its misery.

so I cry because me crying will some how help this little deer.

The next car finished off the deer and Im glad he didn't have to lay there and suffer anymore.....

My car is still suffering.

She is missing a headlight.

Half of a bumper

Half of a fender

and the hood is sitting side saddle.

But completely driveable if you take away the fact that the remainder of the fender was scrubbing on my brand new $600 tires. 

So we drove on home and hit a monsoon!

It has not rained here is like 5 weeks but I would bet it rained 3 inches while I was trying to drive down the mountain with my one headlight and scrubbing tires.

But  I made it home alive.

Where's my valium.

Stuff like this happens EVERYTIME I come home.