Finals are relationship killers

Apparently my bad attitude and nagging in conjunction with my HIT's finals makes for a deal breaking disaster. Obviously I am being wishy washy, doubtful, and negative about our relationship and it is just too much for him. I am in no way bored with him but we have the most predictable relationship on Earth. I want to mix it up. I want our love to be know every morning noon and night i know how the phone calls and texts will go. I want to hear and see I love you in different ways. Dont buy my love anyone can do that. Love me through taking interest in what i do and say even if you dont care. Take to heart what I say. I need more I want it shouted from the rooftops. I want to see or hear something from the heart. How I really make you feel. I love you so very much, cant wait for many more makes me feel like I am not worth the time of day. I know not everyone is good with words but they fact that an attempt is made to express ones feelings speaks volumes over anything that can be bought. I really hope the hustle and bustle of life doesnt suck the life out of our relationship and turn us into the couple that is miserable but doesnt realize it til its too late.

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grati-two

1. Amazing friends. Having the same best friend for almost 17 years is serious business. Having new friends that make you wonder what life was like before them is pretty awesome too.
2. My church. I love everything about my church family. Today we visited and sang carols. It was a wonderful sight to see the faces of those who cant make it to church be touched by the spirit.
3. My mad match making skills.
4. Apple cider.
5. Christmas movies

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Gratitude

Thanksgiving is more than over but this week I have come to the realization that gratitude is seasonal for most of us.  Due to some recent events I have decided to start a gratitude journal and I challenge everyone else to do the same.  Each night, or in the case of me with my memory lapses, whenever I think of it, I am going to write at least 5 things each day that I have gratitude for regardless of how big or small.

 Thankful, grateful, and appreciative: these are words I want to describe my outlook on life in the future.  I have fallen victim to the perpetual pity party.  We are all victims of circumstance in some form or another.  There is no reason to feel sorry for myself day in and day out.  Obviously I have an abundance of blessings in my life. 

Since I have a lot of these on my mind they will be the majority of my post.

1.        I have a risen Savior who forgives me daily for falling short of His Glory.  I know I am a disappointment in His eyes every day, but I am continuing to fight harder at being the Christian I should be.  I always try to remember “You may be the only Bible some people read” and I agree the way others view my life may be what determines how they feel about the entire Christian faith. 

2.       I have an amazing, out of this world Fiancé, or as call him my HIT, (husband in training).  He has stood by me through many, MANY toils and troubles without wavering.  He has taken care of me in a way only a husband could.  He is my constant comforter, best friend, and soul mate.  I am not a lovey, mushy person and often I feel like I can’t show him just how much I love and appreciate him, but he has never doubted my devotion.  I have many mistakes in our relationship yet he has stood by me through it all.  My knight in shining armor at the end of the day.  I have always dreamed of that perfect life.  2.5 kids, white picket fence, the whole shebang.  He gives me that chance.  He will be graduating from college in 15 days.  We are both the first people in our families to graduate with four-year degrees.  He will be graduating with honors!  He chose a major that challenged him, but it was something he enjoyed and looked forward to learning more about every day.  He could have chosen other majors that would have led to higher paying, more available jobs, but that was not what his heart was after.  My HIT followed his heart and he will reap the rewards for going for his goals.  I admire his strength and determination.  He gives me the courage to face the things I do not believe I could accomplish on my own. 
                He works hard to seize every opportunity to better himself so that his chances of getting a job are increased, all so he can provide for us.  He wants the best for me and the family we will have one day.  It’s a beautiful thing when you find a man who prepares for his future so much already.  He wants to make sure that we are always taken care of and have as few worries as possible. I love this man.

3.       Yesterday was my parent’s 27^th anniversary.  Next week will be my future in-laws 29^th.  I am so grateful to have two true pictures of marriages in my life.  Neither couple has had it easy.  My parents have battled each and every day to keep things together.  They have lost all material things in their life but they still had each other.  To this day staying together is a struggle but they do.  I never realized how important it is to have the example of a strong marriage at home until my marriage was a year away.  I want my children to have the blessing of growing up in a strong home with a close knit marriage.

4.       Sister.  I may be an only child, but I feel like I have been given a second chance at having a sibling by my future SIL.  I wish I would have had that bond with my own sibling growing up but now I have a built in best friend.  She may be 6 years younger but I don’t know what I would do without her.  She is always there with a kind word on a bad day, shoulder to cry on, perfect shirt to borrow.

5.       Old Navy Cozy Socks. My feet are amazingly warm, but not hot.  I feel warm and fuzzy all over every time I put them on.

6.       My family.  We are far from perfect, but talk to anyone and you will see that every family has their flaws.  Our dynamic is a bit skewed but it works for us. I may not know who is living with who or where from week to week but I know that any of them will be there for me in a heartbeat.  When I hear other people with their grandmothers I often get jealous, because they do things like cook together, sew,TALK.  But I’m pretty sure no one else’s grandmother taught them how to gamble,  or showed them how to work hard, and be beautiful  all at the same time. 

7.       Golden Girls reruns.  Well they all remind me of the women in my life.  It makes me life and always leaves me smiling, can’t beat that.

8.       Bama.  My dog may drive me crazy but I would be crazy without him.  Being away at college, no time to make friends, and at least I had that little fur ball to count on.  He really brought my HIT and I closer than I could imagine.  Bama was his Christmas present our first Christmas together.  He is and always will be our first baby.  We spoil him to no end, but we love every minute of it.