Continuation

Well last night due to storms and such I lost internet connection mid-blog.  It is rare that I let my guard down and start let my feelings flow.  Just when I started to let things go, boom lost the chance.  Had a complete break down last night. I am not happy with life right now.  I have so much going for me but I am completely unhappy.  Unless you have dealt with something like this it is hard to understand.  I have lost all motivation to get anything done.  My school work is slipping, my relationships with everyone are fading. I just do not care.  My apartment is in dismay.  I care long enough to worry then become overwhelmed with anxiety then suddenly it feels like there is nothing I can do about it so I give up again.  Something has to change .

'Tis Depressing

In 7 hours I will walk into a classroom to start my last week.  It has be a whirlwind 3 month experience.  I was there from day one with these kiddos.  To them I am another teacher.  I love them all dearly even though they torture me some days.  I am going to miss each and everyone of them.  I had a wonderful experience during this placement and could not have asked for a better group of people to guide me.  I truly believe that the First Grade teachers at Rock Quarry are the most amazing, devoted group of instructors I have ever met.  They always put the children first.  I laughed as I walked out of the door on Friday afternoon.  It was 5:30 and I was the FIRST First Grade teacher to leave.  All of the other hallways were darkened and the parking lot empty but we were still working away.  Most people would say slaving away, but when you love your job and are passionate about your purpose the extra work is just self improvement.  I have learned so many things in these 12 short weeks, I could not even begin to list them all. Above all what I have learned is that teaching absolutely comes from the heart not from the brain.  You could read every book in the world, attend every seminar, go to every workshop, but if you cannot walk into a classroom and genuinely love the students and watching them learn then you should just walk back out and go somewhere else. 
Having two wonderful teachers has been the best experience.  Ms. Nevin and Mrs. Jenne have only the children's best interest in mind. 

It is coming to an end.

Monday I will begin my last week of student teaching with my First Grade class that I love so much.
It is surreal to think that in less than a year(God willing) I will be getting ready to start class in my own classroom, with my own kiddos to love.  I love bonding with my little friends just as much as I love watching them learn.  Friday will be bittersweet for me. I am glad that I am one step closer to graduating but I will miss the smiling faces every morning, the wonderful hugs, and the I Love Yous I get everyday. 

Freckleface Strawberry

So I absolutely love this book.  It is highly likely that I will end up with red headed freckle faced kids. I will own multiple copies of this book. Love Love Love it!

Day 1 and I have already back slid

Yesterday afternoon I went to the neurologist and had a lovely EEG. AND got to wear it home! Exciting stuff having 22 wires running from my head. And a 5lb bag containing a recorder that I have to carry at all times.  Dressing takes forever, but thankfully I can remove it tomorrow morning and hopefully this will be the end of this scary journey. 

History Repeats Itself

Luckily I was able to see the neurologist today.  He believes I am having temporal lobe seizures brought on by stress and lack of REM sleep. Praise God!He still would like for me to come back tomorrow Wednesday for a short EEE followed by a 48 hour EEE which I had 3 years ago.  I will be walking around for 2 days with 36 wires coming out of my head and a battery pack on my side.  This will be fun to look back on since I will be going through this while teaching 18 first graders.  It will be a learning experience for all. 

One of my all time favorite pictures of Scotty came from the last time I was in this same condition.  Our relationship was still young and it was a lot to take on for him at the time.  He had just lost his best friend, his Pawpaw. Now he has a sick girlfriend it was a lot to take on. But he stuck by my side through it all. 

I'm going to attempt to share one picture everyday for one month I am actually shooting for a year but a month is a good start. 

God will stop you in your tracks.

and show you exactly how mighty he is. 

I have been all wrapped up in my life. Selfish and seeking my own understandings instead of selfless and seeking of Him. 
I had several symptoms come and go for the past week or so. My parents were concerned enough to come stay with me. I stop the the Dr on Friday afternoon expecting to be told that I have too much stress or vitamin deficiency or something.  The doctor seemed quite concerned and ordered blood work immediately. I was told to make an appointment for an MRI at 800 this morning.  I am not allowed to drive or be left alone. I started wondering WHY NOW? Today was the first of my all important 10 consecutive teaching days; the Holy Grail of student teaching.  If I miss a day I have to start the whole 10 days over.  After wallowing in self pity I thought this would be nothing.  In the world of MRI's no news is good news.  I was shocked when I heard back from the Dr. two hours after the test.   It was abnormal. Calling the Neurologist at 800am to see if I get in ASAP. I wanted to be down I wanted to cry I wanted to say why me. That's not God's plan or purpose. This is and will be for his glory.
On a better note I have gotten back to reading. Reading is therapeutic for me. Newbies for
now are : 

I love LOVE love them both. I like that I can share what I read with Mr. and it be my ministry to him.  If I had to choose one area to improve our relationship it would most definitely be spiritually.  When your spiritual life is in check all things follow. That is what I pray for most in our journey together. 

Psalm 13:5

5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.