Finally,
As in finally there is a light at the end of this dark, winding, scary tunnel. This will be a long one so I will have subheadings.
SCHOOL
or My Life as I like to refer to it. I have realized that Special Education is not my calling, luckily I am dual certified. If I receive a job in the realm of Special Education I will fully embrace it and teach the children to the absolute best of my ability and I will put 110% of my heart into it. However, I would rather be in my own classroom everyday and in that classroom I would want to serve students will all abilities, but I do not want students pulled out for special ed. I love the idea of full inclusion. That is my goal and because I will be certified in both areas I can fulfill my wish by serving all students in my class at all times, with no need for students to be pulled. In today's world all teachers should receive dual certification and revolutionize the whole idea of Special Education. Well there's my mini soap box on that.
On another note I am 6 short weeks away from being finished with my last internship. I also have Spring Break and 1 week of additional classes for a grand total of 8 weeks left. 8 Weeks! I will be finished with school before the yogurt in my fridge expires! Its bittersweet. Because of the program I am in I have been forced to miss out on a lot of the typical college fun. When you are in schools teaching 40 hours a week, then have class for 3 hours at night, and assignments that take weeks to complete, having a life takes a back seat. I drove through campus today and saw so many students out playing Frisbee, laying out, running on the Quad. I know I COULD do all those things but it wouldn't be enjoyable because I would be thinking about what still needs to be done for school. At the same time I think about when August comes around and principals are calling for graduates from our program instead of us having to fight for interviews and jobs. I think it will be worth it. I hope.
This last semester has been by far the most exhausting. My first 4 semesters were tiring because of numerous overlapping assignments, long nights in the library, and so many different classrooms to get acclimated with. They were physically and emotionally exhausting. This semester is completely different, it is emotionally exhausting. The population I am working with is different that what I am used to. We are taught to be proactive and positive at all times. In the past all of my students have responded wonderfully to this. I am used to giving a stern look to a child and seeing results. Now I am in a setting where I have been spat at, cursed, had desks thrown at me, I have broken up at least one physical altercation a day, and I feel like a failure. Its a never ending cycle, it seems. Every morning during announcements we have a moment of silence, during that time I pray earnestly that God will use me to reach those children. I say it many times but often We are the only Bible some people read. I hope that those children see His light shine through me each day.
VBS
Speaking of difficult children....
the FMIL (future Mother in law) called today to ask which class I would like to teach at VBS this year. I cut her of asking if Pre-K was still open. I love LOVE the little ones and their open, whole hearted love for Christ. Indeed PreK was still open, but they really needed someone to teach the older Youth. YUCK. was my first response. And I began to say no, but something just didn't feel right. I needed those older kids for some reason I was drawn to teaching them. Everyone who normally teaches at VBS are mothers of the kids, and usually a bit older than the Youth. I however am only about 5-6 years older than the majority of them. AHA! God was showing me that I can use the fact that I was in their shoes recently to bring the word to them. And I think that is what I will do. This is going to take much more prayer and preparation than Little Kids but I need this to open my eyes just as much as theirs. God may use them to minister to me more than I could ever imagine. :)
Weight Loss
Ehhh.... a touchy subject I have not done as well as I had hoped at this point, BUT I did jump on the Weight Watchers bandwagon with some other girls from school so maybe between them and having to pay there will be some accountability for me. I am miserable right now and something has to give. Luckily due to a change in circumstances I was able to leave my job and now I have more free time to fill with workouts.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Teach it and Live it.
I work with the Special Education population and I love it. Is is challenging sometimes? Yes But any job has its difficulties. Today I experienced something that pushed me beyond being furious. It is difficult to make me upset quickly. Today broke that rule.
I have a student who is physically handicapped but cognitively perfect. Often times students with obvious disabilities(or as I like to say exceptionalities) will display behavior issues as well. BUT they are often trying to distract from their exceptionality. This particular student has a very smart mouth and often does not know when to stop talking. On occasion I have seen him make fun of other students which is never acceptable regardless of the situation. Today this student was talking in the hallway and walking between others with his walker without saying excuse me. A para-educator called him out in front of me and other students and said. "You sure do have a big mouth to be handicapped. You can't even go to the bathroom by yourself and you are going to treat others like that? Boy, you have to have other people help you with everything you do noone is going to help you if you keep being rude."
My jaw was on the floor.
I immediately pulled the child aside and reassured him that that was not the case at all.
I do not understand how his exceptionality had ANYTHING to do with his actions. There were plenty other students who were acting in the same manner but they were allowed to continue to do so with no reprimand of any kind. I was physically sick over this situation. Why do people in this world feel that it is okay to say such things. A brilliant professor of mine had this posted on her Facebook today:
I have a student who is physically handicapped but cognitively perfect. Often times students with obvious disabilities(or as I like to say exceptionalities) will display behavior issues as well. BUT they are often trying to distract from their exceptionality. This particular student has a very smart mouth and often does not know when to stop talking. On occasion I have seen him make fun of other students which is never acceptable regardless of the situation. Today this student was talking in the hallway and walking between others with his walker without saying excuse me. A para-educator called him out in front of me and other students and said. "You sure do have a big mouth to be handicapped. You can't even go to the bathroom by yourself and you are going to treat others like that? Boy, you have to have other people help you with everything you do noone is going to help you if you keep being rude."
My jaw was on the floor.
I immediately pulled the child aside and reassured him that that was not the case at all.
I do not understand how his exceptionality had ANYTHING to do with his actions. There were plenty other students who were acting in the same manner but they were allowed to continue to do so with no reprimand of any kind. I was physically sick over this situation. Why do people in this world feel that it is okay to say such things. A brilliant professor of mine had this posted on her Facebook today:
Monday, January 24, 2011
Prayers of Many, Silent, Written, Aloud, Unspoken, Answered, Unanswered
There is so much going on in my little mind right now that I don't even know where to begin so forgive the incessant rambling.
Blessed Beyond Belief I always have been and I always will be. I do not understand the love, understanding, and forgiveness that my Savior provides for me every moment of everyday. But I am trying to embark on a journey of better understanding Him. Some how over the weekend I ran across this blog: Bring the Rain I was blown away. There were so many things there that I needed to hear and see. This woman does not write from a superior point of view. She writes from her heart. When one is first exploring a deep more meaningful relationship with God it is intimidating to read eloquent writing and judgmental texts. I for one am completely set back when I try to follow someone that has studied for years and knows all facets of the Bible effortlessly. Angie knows God within her heart she has passion, and zeal. She has had failures but above all she knows her God is still the same God he always has been and always will be. I am not a mother but her story inspires me beyond belief. I cannot even begin to understand her pain but glory comes in the morning and she shows that. Throwing in humor and a best friend conversational like writing style completely won me over. I had to search two book stores before finding her book. I read it in one sitting and cried passionately. I haven't felt that human in a long time. It was beautiful. I want what she has. An unwavering desire to please God through it all. In the midst of all of this I have been journaling as I study my Bible and writing prayers for Scotty, me, and our future. I life having them written in front of me so that I can go back and tie in scripture and other things into them later on. So one prayer I have been praying everyday for years is that Scotty and I would develop a spiritual relationship that we can share with each other. Today was a break through. First some background information: For Scotty's graduation I wanted to get him something meaningful rather than just spending money just to give him something. I thought a new era in life deserved a new Bible that along with the fact that the last one he got was left in his truck and the binding melted so the books are no longer in order. So I bought him this new Bible and I included some pictures of him and his pawpaw in the front because I did not want him walking across that stage without his biggest fan. I had so many things inside that Bible I wanted to share with him but that is the one area in our relationship that needs more work than anything so I decided to highlight the verses that I love the most. That was over a Month ago. Today without warning I get a picture message from him. It was of his Bible The message said: "This is my favorite verse I've read it every morning since the first time I saw it. I finally finished the last highlighted verse today! Thank you baby, sorry it took so long but there were a lot of them and I tried to read the entire chapter that they were in." This is a blessing in its self to me but the big boom from God came when I looked at what verse it was.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-22.
This is not one we have ever discussed but it is my all time favorite. And I had openly wept and begged god to help up open up to each other. I recited this over and over this weekend. Low and behold He showed up and showed out.
I have been asking Scotty a specific question regarding his relationship with God for several months now. Normally he gets agitated at me and changes the subject. Today he answered me. Truthfully and openly.
Praise His Name.
On a completely different note I had to experience one of those terrible things about being part of a school today that I hoped I would never have to encounter. Anyone who lays a hand on a child out of anger will have to deal with the wrath of God. I want everyone to pray for the situation, it devastated me but children are resilient. I can only provide support and pray pray pray for the child(ren) involved.
Blessed Beyond Belief I always have been and I always will be. I do not understand the love, understanding, and forgiveness that my Savior provides for me every moment of everyday. But I am trying to embark on a journey of better understanding Him. Some how over the weekend I ran across this blog: Bring the Rain I was blown away. There were so many things there that I needed to hear and see. This woman does not write from a superior point of view. She writes from her heart. When one is first exploring a deep more meaningful relationship with God it is intimidating to read eloquent writing and judgmental texts. I for one am completely set back when I try to follow someone that has studied for years and knows all facets of the Bible effortlessly. Angie knows God within her heart she has passion, and zeal. She has had failures but above all she knows her God is still the same God he always has been and always will be. I am not a mother but her story inspires me beyond belief. I cannot even begin to understand her pain but glory comes in the morning and she shows that. Throwing in humor and a best friend conversational like writing style completely won me over. I had to search two book stores before finding her book. I read it in one sitting and cried passionately. I haven't felt that human in a long time. It was beautiful. I want what she has. An unwavering desire to please God through it all. In the midst of all of this I have been journaling as I study my Bible and writing prayers for Scotty, me, and our future. I life having them written in front of me so that I can go back and tie in scripture and other things into them later on. So one prayer I have been praying everyday for years is that Scotty and I would develop a spiritual relationship that we can share with each other. Today was a break through. First some background information: For Scotty's graduation I wanted to get him something meaningful rather than just spending money just to give him something. I thought a new era in life deserved a new Bible that along with the fact that the last one he got was left in his truck and the binding melted so the books are no longer in order. So I bought him this new Bible and I included some pictures of him and his pawpaw in the front because I did not want him walking across that stage without his biggest fan. I had so many things inside that Bible I wanted to share with him but that is the one area in our relationship that needs more work than anything so I decided to highlight the verses that I love the most. That was over a Month ago. Today without warning I get a picture message from him. It was of his Bible The message said: "This is my favorite verse I've read it every morning since the first time I saw it. I finally finished the last highlighted verse today! Thank you baby, sorry it took so long but there were a lot of them and I tried to read the entire chapter that they were in." This is a blessing in its self to me but the big boom from God came when I looked at what verse it was.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-22.
This is not one we have ever discussed but it is my all time favorite. And I had openly wept and begged god to help up open up to each other. I recited this over and over this weekend. Low and behold He showed up and showed out.
I have been asking Scotty a specific question regarding his relationship with God for several months now. Normally he gets agitated at me and changes the subject. Today he answered me. Truthfully and openly.
Praise His Name.
On a completely different note I had to experience one of those terrible things about being part of a school today that I hoped I would never have to encounter. Anyone who lays a hand on a child out of anger will have to deal with the wrath of God. I want everyone to pray for the situation, it devastated me but children are resilient. I can only provide support and pray pray pray for the child(ren) involved.
( )
No real title. Inspired by Bcrump I have started writing down prayers for my husband. I wish I had started this long ago before I knew who my husband is going to be but it is still inspiring all the same. I plan on sharing a few with him now but this will be part of his wedding gift also. I feel that praying together and truly worshipping God together is the most intimate and vital part of a relationship. We came from families where spirituality is more of a private relationship type thing rather than a family shared one. I hope to change that within our family as it begins. I feel like my prayers become more permenant as I write and say them simultaneously. I hope in the near future this will become us praying aloud together.
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Sunday, January 23, 2011
I Miss My Fraaannn
Well this week has been hectic in a good way for once. I have really been working on having a better outlook on life and I can really see a change. I spent the evening in therapy ( the book store ) tonight. I finished getting things together for my first package of goodies to send to S. Africa. Yay!
1. 50 Days That Are Worse Than Yours.
2. A Sappy Crappy Card
3. A Bridesmaid Guide.
4. Useless Knowledge
5. Bless His Heart: A Guide to Loving a Southern Man
6. Hello A Giraffe Journal
7. A Mix "tape"
8. Cookies
9. and a lovely comic strip she made for me that I have never seen but found laying in my apartment.
Other goodies are:
Handsanitizer
A whole collection of Coconut Lime Verbena
Cutesy Pins
Notecards
and Random Quotes that I would share if she was here.
2. A Sappy Crappy Card
3. A Bridesmaid Guide.
4. Useless Knowledge
5. Bless His Heart: A Guide to Loving a Southern Man
6. Hello A Giraffe Journal
7. A Mix "tape"
8. Cookies
9. and a lovely comic strip she made for me that I have never seen but found laying in my apartment.
Other goodies are:
Handsanitizer
A whole collection of Coconut Lime Verbena
Cutesy Pins
Notecards
and Random Quotes that I would share if she was here.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Dialect Vlog
So many of my blog friends have been doing a dialect vlog just to have a face and a voice to go with what they read everyday so here is mine:
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Wrappin it up
December 31 – Core Story What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.) (Author: Molly O’Neill)
How I came into being myself. Every person is a complex combination of thier environment but until this year I did not see this in myself.
How I came into being myself. Every person is a complex combination of thier environment but until this year I did not see this in myself.
December 30 – Gift Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year? (Author: Holly Root)
My parents gave me a red wagon for Christmas. I was so surprised, it was something I wanted for my classroom next year. I also received several heirlooms of my grandparents that I did not get to spend time with. One of those was a framed copy of their marriage certificate and I love it so.
My parents gave me a red wagon for Christmas. I was so surprised, it was something I wanted for my classroom next year. I also received several heirlooms of my grandparents that I did not get to spend time with. One of those was a framed copy of their marriage certificate and I love it so.
December 29 – Defining Moment Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year. (Author: Kathryn Fitzmaurice)
1. Rededicating my life.
2. Saying Yes to Scotty
3. Getting honest with my parents
December 28 – Achieve What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.
1.Graduating College with Honors. I will be beside myself. I will be the first person in my immediate family to finish college much less from a prestigious University with honors.
2. Marrying the Man of my dreams will be the moment in my life that I have waited on for so long.
1. Rededicating my life.
2. Saying Yes to Scotty
3. Getting honest with my parents
December 28 – Achieve What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.
1.Graduating College with Honors. I will be beside myself. I will be the first person in my immediate family to finish college much less from a prestigious University with honors.
2. Marrying the Man of my dreams will be the moment in my life that I have waited on for so long.
December 27 – Ordinary Joy Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year? (Author: Brené Brown)
I returned to visit my classroom. I was greeted by a child whom I had become quite close to. He was so excited that he couldn't even hug me. He just kept repeating my name and jumping up and down with his infectious smile shining. Absolute Joy!
I returned to visit my classroom. I was greeted by a child whom I had become quite close to. He was so excited that he couldn't even hug me. He just kept repeating my name and jumping up and down with his infectious smile shining. Absolute Joy!
December 26 – Soul Food What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul? (Author: Elise Marie Collins)
I haven't really eaten anything that fantastic this year :( December 25 – Photo – a present to yourself Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where
This is me surrounded by my students on our last day togehter. I am notorious for funny faces so we felt it appropriate that we all display our best ones. Each one of these angelic faces will forever hold a HUGE place in my heart. I will always treasure this picture.
December 24 Prompt – Everything’s OK What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead? (Author: Kate Inglis)
NYE as Scotty and I were watching the midnight fireworks show at Disneyworld all the world felt right. There was nothing in the world that could have been better. I know that is what my future holds. After all that has happened this year, that moment let me know its All OK.
NYE as Scotty and I were watching the midnight fireworks show at Disneyworld all the world felt right. There was nothing in the world that could have been better. I know that is what my future holds. After all that has happened this year, that moment let me know its All OK.
December 23 – New Name Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why? (Author: Becca Wilcott)
Paige Brown :) I need to get used to saying it.
Paige Brown :) I need to get used to saying it.
December 22 – Travel How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt)
2010 started and ended with travel. Travelling with the Tide that is.
Pasadena, CA for the National Championship game in January and I feel like I was on a significant trip atleast once a month right up to a trip to Orlando to see the Tide play New Years 2011.
2010 started and ended with travel. Travelling with the Tide that is.
Pasadena, CA for the National Championship game in January and I feel like I was on a significant trip atleast once a month right up to a trip to Orlando to see the Tide play New Years 2011.
December 21 – Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?) (Author: Jenny Blake)
Kids are everywhere, Husband is in the mancave, bills are piling up, but we are praising God for every moment of it. True Paradise.
Dear 12 YR Old Me,
You are going to grow up to be a competent person although many people doubt you. You will find love no matter how much you hide from it. Children in your classroom will help give you your childhood back. A little girl that is the spitting image of you will become the apple of your eye. Set your goals high, what you accomplish will astonish everyone.
Kids are everywhere, Husband is in the mancave, bills are piling up, but we are praising God for every moment of it. True Paradise.
Dear 12 YR Old Me,
You are going to grow up to be a competent person although many people doubt you. You will find love no matter how much you hide from it. Children in your classroom will help give you your childhood back. A little girl that is the spitting image of you will become the apple of your eye. Set your goals high, what you accomplish will astonish everyone.
December 20 – Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell) South Africa trip. Once in a lifetime experience and I didn't take it.
December 19 – Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)
December 19 – Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)
I finally came to terms with my parental relationship. Seeing dysfunctionality in others really helped but mostly I came to accept that this is the hand that I have been dealt and granted it is far from ideal it is still far from terrible.
December 18 – Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elise)
I want to try to give everything I do atleast 95%. I want to shoot for 101% but 95 is a good start.
December 17 – Lesson Learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)
Life Goes On. It is cliche but honestly I live everyday like the world is going to end if I do not worry every second, Guess what? It doesn't.
December 16 – Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst? (Author: Martha Mihalick)
Oh Wow big revolation this year. I became part of a new group of friends and for the first time in my life completely opened up. I have had the same best friend for 17 years, but our relationship is nothing in comparison to the new ones. (that is something I want to change) There is nothing superficial about my new friendships, every bit of it is genuine.
December 18 – Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elise)
I want to try to give everything I do atleast 95%. I want to shoot for 101% but 95 is a good start.
December 17 – Lesson Learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)
Life Goes On. It is cliche but honestly I live everyday like the world is going to end if I do not worry every second, Guess what? It doesn't.
December 16 – Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst? (Author: Martha Mihalick)
Oh Wow big revolation this year. I became part of a new group of friends and for the first time in my life completely opened up. I have had the same best friend for 17 years, but our relationship is nothing in comparison to the new ones. (that is something I want to change) There is nothing superficial about my new friendships, every bit of it is genuine.
December 14 – Appreciate. What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it? (Author: Victoria Klein)
My HIT. I now see all he does for us, me, and so many others. I have looked over it and taken it for granted for so long but this year I really began to see how important what he does is in my life.
My HIT. I now see all he does for us, me, and so many others. I have looked over it and taken it for granted for so long but this year I really began to see how important what he does is in my life.
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