Cat's out of the Bag

I *am* alive and Back.
And much less depressing.

I was just in a bit of a funk. No long story here. Its HIGHLY looked down on for people to live together before they are married.  Downright disgraceful.  I NEVER in a million years thought I would live with anyone before I was married, but again I was wrong.  When we got engaged and set a date we had anticipated Scotty having a job in Mobile, AL. We have friends there, so I was just going to live with a female friend there until the wedding, then move in together.  Well that fell through, he got a job in Myrtle Beach ans we are very thankful. But it put us in an odd predicament. I had to move out of my place in Tuscaloosa by June. And I needed to be looking for a job around Myrtle Beach, but where was I going to live from August when school started back, until December 17th?
I have hidden it from most people and avoided the topic with anyone but close friends and family.  We had thought about getting me a short term lease for me but with me not working and Scotty just getting settled, it was not financially responsible. We were stuck, so I we decided to do the unthinkable and move in together *gasp*  
I moved all my things to Myrtle Beach at the end of April and have spent a total of two weeks here all summer for job interviews and such. I stayed at home with my parents for the rest of the summer.
Yesterday I moved in for good.  Its hard to say because we have hidden this for so long but honestly in the eyes of everyone at home, it would be better to have a child out of wedlock than it is to co-habitat.

I have been so torn because this should be a happy time, we should be enjoying our time together.
We have been apart for 3 years at school, and FINALLY we get to be together.  We have been engaged for a year and have spent less than a month total together during that time. 

After today, no more hiding it. I am going to enjoy it. I am gong to call this HOME,not Scotty's apartment.
It hurts our parents, I see that. Its why I have never called this home.  But now it is. I am getting married, he will be my husband in less than 6 months. This is the place we will live then.  Why do I have to wait til December to call it home? I don't. 

Ever tried to repress joy? It sucks. This has drained me emotionally, and I know it does not seem like a big deal at all but when you have to keep your whole life a secret its draining.  I haven't been able to be truly happy about the wedding either.  and now its over. :)

I'm Home