Wowzers!

18 months ago I never could imagine my wedding day being so close.  Now here we are 1 month away.  I absolutely cannot believe it.  I am still a lot calmer than I thought I would be.  We have some invitations that still need to be done, so what.  We still do not have programs, and if they do not get done this weekend, we just won't have programs.  So may people drive themselves crazy over elaborate "perfect" weddings and dwell on the little details until they cannot even enjoy the day.  I made a vow to Scotty and myself long ago that I would not let this wedding become more important than us.  In this very moment I can proudly say that I feel that I have lived up to my vow.  Now have I gotten a little obsessive and freaked out from time to time? Of course.  But at the end of the day when I walk down that aisle Scotty will be there and we will leave as husband and wife.  Will our vows become obsolete if the color of the chair ties do not perfectly match the table toppers?  Didn't think so.  It baffles me at how much perspective people lose on such a big day.  I have seen a wedding that cost less than $700 with two people madly in love.  We have all seen the tragic ending to the $10million Kardashian Fiasco.  On December 17th as everyone pulls away I don't care if everyone liked how we did things, or if they preferred our decorating styles.  If the food and music choices were odd.  If our sequence didn't make sense.  I want them to walk away thinking... HMM those two really love each other and this day was absolutely about them. 

Tell the World I'm Coming Home

Back where I come from, where I'll be when its said and done. I'm proud as anyone back where I come from. Some say its a backwards place. Narrow minds on a narrow way but I make it a point to say That's where I come from. 
mpus.  I am sure everyone misses there college days but man alive I miss being there to see the tents on the Quad on Thursday afternoons.. the obvious excitement in the air. How every person you pass seems to be talking about the game in some capacity.  Every clothing store is devoid of anything crimson, houndstooth, or skimpy and black.  Every street is closed. And every person you pass is your new best friend.

Its a sacred place. Silence falls as all eyes and ears turn towards the stadium as that immortal voice roars across town "I ain't never been nothing but a winner."

Cold chills spread. It sounds silly unless you have the passion too.

How can something as little as a football game mean so much to so many?

For some its tradition for others its a way to communicate. Its living vicariously,  its being a part of something much bigger. 

The Crimson Nation is home to me.

Moving away from my home to Myrtle Beach was much harder on me than I ever expected. Anywhere I go I can see that script A or houndstooth, or just hear a good oleander Roll Tide and instantly I feel at home.  Its like getting a little smell of grandmas home cooking. 

Its more than nostalgic.  Its soul soothing.

I need my home. And I am so proud that I am coming home.

30 Days of Thanks

I am linking up with The O' banions for 30 Days of Thanks. Hopefully this will get me out of my "lack of blogging" funk. 

Day 1 -- I am Thankful for my job.

In this economy so many struggle to find jobs, especially in the field of Education.  In Alabama there were many districts actually cutting teaching units because of budget issues.  I was blessed to be offered more than one job.  It was definitely a struggle to decide, but ultimately I am certain that I made the right choice.  

Each morning I begrudgingly roll out of bed way too early and drive to school in the dark.  Then at 7:25 14 wonderful 2nd graders pile into my room with the biggest smiles on their faces.  For some I may be the only hug they get.  I may be the first smiling face each day.  I have a wonderful TEAM of coworkers whom I have come to love.  I am their Rookie and Little Southern Belle.  I would not trade my days for anything.  Do I get frustrated with the 12 hour days I seem to always be working? Absolutely. Do I wish I could turn off my "teacher brain" and focus on my friends and family? Without a Doubt.  But more than all that I am Thankful to be such a Big Part of so many Little Lives.

What are you Thankful for Today?

six months later

six months ago I was rushing out of a restaurant to get to Scotty's apartment to check the weather.  My parents had just left Myrtle Beach the night before and were expected to hit some rough weather along the way.  I will never forget the moment when my eyes saw the radar.  The three previous Fridays I had been with my Fifth Grade students while going through tornado warnings.  We had come to see it as a Friday routine.  We would hear James Spann and I would take cover in the bathroom of my 2nd story apartment with Bama.  I have always loved the weather and was taught to respect storms not fear them.  My eyes have never seen so many rotations, so much red all at once. 
Fear.
Panic.
Helplessness.
we watched live as Tuscaloosa was torn apart.  I listened as it crossed over the street I traveled each day.  The school I had just left my 60 5th graders at.  My apartment.   The initial shock set in, then a new round of panic.  The same storm system was heading straight for our HOME-home. Early in the morning a storm had blown through and knocked out power and cell phone service. Most people had no idea anything was coming.  I was finally able to get in touch with our families and let them know to take cover.  As everything began to clear we began to see the tip of the devastation that occurred. My mind still cannot fathom the things I have seen and continue to see.  At the same time I stand back in amazement at the wonderful events I have witnessed. Everyone reaching out to one another. Seeing people that haven't spoken to each other in years, open their homes, their hearts, and so much more. 

In 6 months my life has become so much more. 
There is meaning behind each and every day.
I will never doubt that I am exactly where I need to be.
If I wasn't at a job interview I would have been inside my apartment, being brave, and riding it out.
I got the job. I lived. I am where I need to be six months later.

The Simple Things

I have been seriously absent lately, so I am relieved that I caught "The Simple Things" this week since the link up ends today.

- the funny things my students say: "Miss B you can't teach us cursive, cursive is bad words." "Miss B who controls the weather the government or God?"

- a cool fall breeze

- Scarves

- Wearing jeans to school

- a message from my favorite 3 year old

- afternoon bike rides and sitting by the water with Scotty.

- taking time for myself even with all the crazy surrounding me.

I love the simple things. I love Jesslyn Amber for giving me the chance to stop and think about them each week.

First Year Frenzy

I have survived!
On Monday I began my adventure as a 2nd grade teacher. This week has certainly been a whirlwind I may even need to start a second blog (yeah right like I'd keep it up t date)just for teaching adventures. So far I have 13 kiddos. Most people start by saying how lucky I am. I agree but you have to take into consideration that all 13 of these students started in a different classroom, all 13 had to learn new procedures for my classroom. I also get any new students that enroll in 2nd grade = I am the revolving door class at the moment.
All that aside I am LOVING it. I have worked 12 hour days all week and have spent most of the last two weekends working at the school, but I am finally getting caught up and getting into a rhythm. I still don't feel like a "real Teacher" though. I defiantly feel like I am still an intern but I am hoping that I will get over that soon enough.

I cannot believe that my wedding day is less than 3 months away! We are sending the invites to the calligrapher this week. we have one shower under our belt and another coming up. Bridal portraits in 2 weeks, engagement shoot in one month. Its beginning to feel real for the first time.

WILW and Some Bigish News

I'm LOVING that football season is HERE!

We flew home to BAMA to see the kickoff of Crimson Tide  Football. It was smoldering hot but I wouldn't have missed it for the world.  Scotty and I met after an Alabama game and told each I Love You for the first time on the way to Alabama's first game 4 years ago.  lame I know. :)

I am LOVING that we are in full blown wedding mode now.  While we were home my family threw us a small shower and I got to see everyone for a while.  My grandmother took it upon herself to make sure I had a nice time.  She did so by making sure there were plenty of yummy snacks around.

I am LOVING that a friend of mine from high school is coming to stay the weekend with us.  He is in the Coast Guard and is stationed in NC so hopefully we will all get to hang out more often.

I am LOVING my Big-ish News: 

The board approved adding an additional 2nd grade unit at our school! Guess who will be filling the position? ME!  I am ecstatic.  I have been so blessed with having a job at a wonderful school, but having my own classroom of kiddos everyday is even more fantastic.  Now I am having to redo the entire set up of my classroom and catch up with everything most teachers do over the summer.  Only I have to do it in a week! EEK! I will have lots of help and support from everyone in my building so I know this transition is going to go smoothly.

getting my feet wet.

I cannot believe the first week of school is over already!
God has blessed me beyond belief with a fantastic school and staff.
This week I have done a bit of everything from breakfast duty, subbing, to crisis management and traffic control.
I have fallen in love with this school and every single student that is a part of it. I cannot wait until I find out exactly which students will be mine!
I hope week 2 is just as exciting and wonderful as the first, but I could deal with it being less exhausting!

Room 310

Today was my first day in my grown up job. 

Exciting for sure, but at least I am getting to be eased into it.

Since I am an Interventionist, I have to wait and analyze post assessment date before I find out which students will be in my class.

For now I am on a modified schedule just helping out with new students, training, and testing. 

My poor classroom looks so bare. 

I have no clue who my students will be so nothing is personalized. 

Until the data has been processed I won't know which lessons we will be beginning with so my adventure board is barren as well.  

I am glad that I have to opportunity to ease into teaching but I am READY NOW.

Commencement

\kə-ˈmen(t)s-mənt\

 

: an act, instance, or time of commencing

   a : the ceremonies or the day for conferring degrees or diplomas  

   b : the period of activities at this time 

 

 

Tomorrow is the big day. I realize that I have been finished with school since April.

I have my teaching certificate in hand, as well as a wonderful job.

I have seen my diploma in the hands of my parents.

Tomorrow I walk across the stage of Coleman Coliseum.

Tomorrow I hear "College of Education, Whitney Paige Barrentine, Summa Cum Laude."

Tomorrow its all worth it.

Tomorrow I will be proud.

Not only of myself but for my classmates, the University of Alabama, the city of Tuscaloosa, and the state of Alabama as a whole.  

Tonight there will be a candlelight vigil held at Foster Auditorium to honor all who lost their lives on April 27th. Its amazing to see so many come together as one, but the fact that it is at Foster Auditorium says even more to me. 

Just to brush up on your Alabama History-

"More than any other event, Foster Auditorium is known as the site of the "Stand in the Schoolhouse Door" incident. On June 11, 1963, Governor George C. Wallace, making good on a campaign pledge to not allow integration of the University, stood in the doorway of the building on the day of registration. He was attempting to block two black students, Vivian Malone and James Hood, from enrolling at the University. President John F. Kennedy called on the Alabama National Guard to forcibly allow the students to enter the building if need be. Calling it "an unwelcomed, unwanted, unwarranted and force-induced intrusion upon the campus," ^[7] Wallace denounced the actions, but, seeing as he could not win against the combined efforts of the Guard, federal marshals and Deputy United States Attorney General Nicholas Katzenbach, stepped aside, returning to the state capital as Malone and Hood entered for registration. The incident is seen as one of the seminal events in the Civil Rights Movement in America. This is where the building got its name, after Autherine Lucy Foster, a Civil Rights activist."

Tonight, a little more than 47 years later people from all walks of life will be joining together at this same location, United as One People, the Crimson Nation.

Tomorrow I will walk across a stage that represents 180 years of greatness. 

I am not speaking purely of athletics or academics.

I am speaking of the University of Alabama as a whole. 

Last night I could not sleep because I kept having nightmares that the distruction of April 27th was happening again, only this time I was there. I still feel guilty that I was not there. I could not comfort my friends.  I could not physically support my community.  I could not help bear the burden.

   

That is MY apartment, those are My neighbors. 

I will never know why God was gracious enough to spare me from it all.

It was for His Glory alone.
 

I went back to Tuscaloosa one week after the tornado to see my students, they will be starting school next week.  Starting school on a different side of town in a new building. 

The devastation of that day will always loom but this is a time of Commencement for Tuscaloosa as well.  

Rebuilding is everywhere.

Spirits are High.

Students and communities are coming together like never before.

I am grateful for the opportunity to be a part of such a wonderful place. 

Being the first person in my family to graduate from college, was a great accomplishment. 

I am thankful for the education I received, and the friends I made.

But the greatest blessing of all is the person I became because of my affiliation with the institution.   The healing of the human spirit.  The unity.  The many ways God showed up and healed this town. Knowing that in many ways Tuscaloosa will always be a home to me. Its a refuge, a safe place. Many things will have changed when I walk onto campus in the morning but the one thing that will not is the way each one of us will feel when we are there. 

I'm not joking its almost electric. The energy present tomorrow will be abounding. 

Roll Tide! 

The Name Game

 What does yours mean?
Why did you choose the name you have?
______________________________________________________________

To participate, all you have to do is:
1. Answer one or both of the above questions. And include anything extra that you want! What's your blog's purpose? Do you have a subtitle?
2. Include a picture of your beautiful self because pictures always make posts better! ;)
3. Add the button to your profile.
4. LINK UP!
______________________________________________________________
I have blogged on and off for sometime now but at the end of my senior year in college Scotty got a great job in South Carolina.  I was still in Alabama.  Life was up in the air at the time, where would I be? Where would I get a job? ETC. I have always loved the song "Heads Carolina, Tails California" by Jo Dee Messina Alabama nicely fit in place of California. Up in the mountains, Down by the Ocean  went right along with my life at the time.
So it stuck as a blog title and sub title.
My blog really has no purpose and it quite boring most of the time. To me its an outlet, and a way of tracking this crazy trip called life. New twists and turns like a wedding and a new job are coming very soon!

You live, you learn

"You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn"
- Yes Alanis .


I have no brothers, I've never had to live under the same roof as a boy other than my uber-tidy dad.
I have had my fair share of roommates over the years but man alive.  Scotty is not messy per say buy goodness gracious at the little stuff that goes over looked. 
I am Messy, very messy. Ask any of my friends and they will agree but I have always worked and went to school every day and used that as an excuse.  Now that I am at home all day every day I feel like I should keep this place spotless.  So much for that. I would never survive as a SAHM. I have so much respect for those who can, but not me.
I know Scotty could write a book about me and the little things I do that annoy him, but Scotty doesn't have a blog and I do so I get to share :)

This is NOT a towel rack. This is a shower curtain rod. The reason you can't put the towel on the towel rack??? Because you pile your clothes on the towel rack. That's what a HAMPER is for. I am going to go elementary and start using picture labels to show what goes where.

I cleaned out the linen closet, washed, and folded all 8 sets of sheets. I took the time to stack them according to which bed they go on. Each set was put inside the pillowcase. Very handy little system. So Scotty switched out the sheets, yanked the whole stack down, piled them back up and here's the kicker: PUT THE DIRTY SHEETS BACK ON TOP OF THE CLEAN ONES. Again HAMPER??

Not sure if this is him being a smarty pants or lazy? I asked for a new roll to be put on the holder, not on top of the holder.

Decor? I have a problem with hanging pictures too high, I think its because I am too short. But this? One at the ceiling, one at the floor? Too funny to even get mad about, except he used dry wall screws to hang them!

Oh got to love him, even if by the end of every afternoon I want to bury him under the piles of laundry I have done and drown him in the dirty dish water. :)

Concerning the Homefront

This place is beginning to look like a home.
We now have curtains!  Okay not sure why but Scotty came fully equipped with everything EXCEPT curtains?
We live on the 3rd floor and have HUGE windows and Black leather couches. the living room is dangerous in the afternoon so the curtains are a welcome addition for us.

 My friend and fellow MAPper Ashley came up to visit on very short notice and I decided to put her to work.  Scotty and I are still in the poor college kid category for a couple more months so decor is slim around here. Thankfully Ashley is pretty handy with a paintbrush so we added two paintings of Magnolia blooms to our living room this past week and I LOVE them.  Scotty and I also demolished took apart a bookcase of mine while moving it in so after seeing it piled in the corner we repurposed it into some shelves for our barren walls. Not exactly the nicest approach to creating shelves but its much cheaper to throw to shelves up on white utility brackets for $4 than it is to go by floating shelves....  It was also a good excuse to get him to move the TV over. I like things to be centered, so much so that I measure everything and the TV being 52" its pretty obvious when it is off center, now its not :)

My diploma and teaching certificate came in but they are at Home-home. :( I want to hang them on the wall so badly or actually hold them in my hands.  Graduation is in 2 weeks and I cannot wait to have some closure for that chapter of my life. 

I have so many exciting new things going on but I feel like I won't really be moving forward until then. 

Coming up:  visiting a new church, grad school, wedding invitations are IN, new job, Pack visit.

New Leaf

No Excuses, even though I am the QUEEN of THOSE.
I really just wanted to hit delete and make the blog disappear.
Its not fun anymore because I try to make everything fit into pretty little boxes.
I don't share what I am cooking, because I'm not a foody photographer.
I don't post pictures of us or of life because quite frankly I am disgusted with how we look right now. But its like I told Scotty before, this is a time in our lives that we should be enjoying and making memories. Not hiding our in shame.

I start teaching less than one month from today.
I want to document that journey.

Apologies to everyone, because I am a pretty boring blogger.
My writing is bland, but this is for ME.

I love linky parties but the commitment is a bit much for me.

I love reading other blogs, but I really stink at commenting or otherwise being a good follower.

I write about too many things that noone cares about but who knows life may get real exciting soon.

Engagaversary

"Happy Anniversary Baaaabbbbyyyy I got you on my mi----ind"-- Rick and Bubba.

This is so late but yet again I am a self proclaimed slacker.
For our Engagaversy Scotty and I wanted to do something new. But heck were in a new state, everything is New.  The 4th as we all know by now is a big deal to me and we did get engaged on the 4th last year so it was fun to celebrate all that's happened since then. 

   

THEN:

NOW:

Not much has changed except this year we did NOT get rained on.
And for the Record, YES I am wearing the same dress. As per Scotty's request.  Creature of Habit much?

I really stink at surprises, I always figure them out.... I even knew about the engagement so he was determined to surprise me and played along. 

 We drove over to Murrells Inlet to Marshwalk.  I really don't know how to describe it other than it is a boardwalk  lining the Marsh that has tons of Fabulous local restaurants.  We ate at Creek Ratz and it was uh-mazing. Fried food galore.  Forget fitting into a wedding dress, we devoured that mess. Crab stuffed fried mushrooms the size of a raquetball....<3 <3 afterwards we strolled around for a bit then went to check out a store that I have been dying to go to. Lazy Gator is all I wanted it to be and more. They have a year round Christmas shop! I collect ornaments so that was uber exciting to me. A great mix of local crafts and more mainstream as well.  Super cute and fun just to walk around in.
Then we decided to head on over to the beach for a walk since the weather was absolutely stunning.
There were scattered fireworks while we were walking and live music playing= wonderful night for me. 
The first time I visited Myrtle Beach two months ago they had started on a new restaurant, later we found out it was a Jimmy Buffet, Landshark Bar and Grill. Not only that but it would be the location for the SKYWHEEL the 2nd largest gondola, Ferris wheel ride in the U.S.  187' at the highest point. I am afraid of heights, like big time. 187' is about 185 too many for me. But I was dying to ride so.....

 I lived through it, I wouldn't even look down until the very end and I am pretty sure I held my breath the entire time we were stopped at the top, but I lived.

Our last stop of the night just happened to be the 8th Wonder of the World, The Bowery

I'm not much of a bar girl but I am an Alabama girl.  The band Alabama got its start as the house band at the Bowery. Now being from the same area its no big deal to run into the guys of Alabama.  But its cool to see where they started out after they left DeKalb County.  Plus flash the guy at the door an Alabama I.D. and tell him you are from the same home town, and you can skip that cover charge. I've always been laid back, not one to dance, or anything so it was fun to kick back and just listen to the band in a good ole honky tonk atmosphere. 

This weekend was just what I needed
Just a night for Scotty and I to be us. Not what everyone else wants us to be. Not entertaining guests. Not having an agenda. Just being Us.

Happy Belated Birthday 'Merica,

Okay so it is NO secret that the 4th of July is by far my favorite day of the year and it has been since I was a wee little tot.  My town's only claim to fame is hosting the Annual Henagar Potato Festival.  Yes a festival for potatoes. Its awesomeness is unsurpassed. Please see this lovely video. I cannot be held responsible for the contents of the video... its You-Tube.

Yes its my home town, yes I know most of those people, no I was not in the parade.
Plenty of people mock the South and even I think the parade is quite comical but I love every bit of it.
This is at 10am and in Alabama that means the temps are hitting 98-99 and 100% humidity. I have seen people on the streets at 9 just socializing waiting on the parade.  Its amazing.
Especially after all the devastation our area has been through in recent months.  This year it was truly a celebration of living to see politicians, horses, every firetruck in the county, every motorized vehicle known to man, and folks you just might not see any other time of year. 
Its a day of families. Nothing better than playing at the park with 20,000 other people, sipping fresh squeezed lemonade and eating a tater-twirl. I prefer to not get a tater twirl, but rather to share one with my Bestie just like I have done for the last 16 years.  Listen to some live music, look at cars in the car show.  Then at 9:00pm rain or shine, we (the entire Northeast section of Alabama) pile up on blankets in fields, in truck beds or on our roofs to see what for the last 28 years has been the largest Fireworks show in North Alabama. And I will tear up like a big baby, because well, that's what I am at times. A lot changes in a year, and many people reflect on New Years or their Birthday.
For me its in the deafening silence between the fireworks exploding in the air.  This year has had its gains and its loses. But in the end there is always that beautiful explosion in the sky.

Boring Blogger.

Yeh I have been more than mundane here lately.
There just isn't much going on in my life right now.
Honestly, I get up grab some breakfast, read emails etc.
Clean up the pile of breakfast and random mess kitchen from Hurricane Scotty for the morning.
Do a load of laundry, unpack a box or two, vacuum, then make lunch.
When Scotty comes home for lunch we watch an episode of LasVegas.
Then he leaves and I try to tidy up the mess he made in a short 40 minutes.
Unpack another box or two then start on supper for the night.
Once Scotty gets home I stay stuck to him like a little puppy until its time for bed.
After being apart for so long, we are used to having to smother each other every second we are together because we often went 3 weeks or so apart then saw each other for only 2 days or so. 
Yes, we will phase out of this soon, but its only been a week so we are still working on cutting the cord.

We have finally gotten the ball rolling wedding wise.
Invitations have been ordered and I got the cutest stamp from none other than Etsy. 
I have been wanting this stamp from Notetrunk  for ages. So I finally got one for all those return addresses.....
All the flowers have been bought for centerpieces, and BM bouquets.
Cakes have been ordered. Picked out tuxes today. Finished registering today!
I get more excited about marking things off my list than ANYTHING!
So Yeh Sorry for Being LAME

The Lost Art

Okay call me crazy, but I love to iron.
I know I'm a complete slob 99.9% of the time but its the one thing cleaning wise I actually like to do. Sneaky sidenote: sometimes I leave Scotty's clothes in the dryer so I can iron them. He thinks its because I'm just lazy and don't get them out.
Perfect creases and starch were always a big deal to my dad so that must be where I get it. ...

WILW

I love this link up, I feel like Wednesdays get a bad name. So loving it up on Wednesday makes it a bit better.
Check it out and share what you are loving at this kind of love

I am *loving* that I am finally Home

I am *loving* that I drove all the way from Alabama to Myrtle Beach in less than 9 hours.  No traffic = :)

I am *loving* that in less than a month I will be at new teacher orientation. Preparing for MY classroom!

I am *loving* seeing this:

Bama's leash and my keys hanging by the door.

I am *loving* that I seriously KNOCKED out so much wedding stuff this week.

I am *loving* that I got to spend some time with my grandmother this weekend. Its a rare event, she is one busy woman. But I loved every second of it.

I am *loving* that Monday was our one year Engagaversary.

I am *loving* that I got to be with my Mom on her Birthday this year.

I am just bubbling over with Loves today.

Cat's out of the Bag

I *am* alive and Back.
And much less depressing.

I was just in a bit of a funk. No long story here. Its HIGHLY looked down on for people to live together before they are married.  Downright disgraceful.  I NEVER in a million years thought I would live with anyone before I was married, but again I was wrong.  When we got engaged and set a date we had anticipated Scotty having a job in Mobile, AL. We have friends there, so I was just going to live with a female friend there until the wedding, then move in together.  Well that fell through, he got a job in Myrtle Beach ans we are very thankful. But it put us in an odd predicament. I had to move out of my place in Tuscaloosa by June. And I needed to be looking for a job around Myrtle Beach, but where was I going to live from August when school started back, until December 17th?
I have hidden it from most people and avoided the topic with anyone but close friends and family.  We had thought about getting me a short term lease for me but with me not working and Scotty just getting settled, it was not financially responsible. We were stuck, so I we decided to do the unthinkable and move in together *gasp*  
I moved all my things to Myrtle Beach at the end of April and have spent a total of two weeks here all summer for job interviews and such. I stayed at home with my parents for the rest of the summer.
Yesterday I moved in for good.  Its hard to say because we have hidden this for so long but honestly in the eyes of everyone at home, it would be better to have a child out of wedlock than it is to co-habitat.

I have been so torn because this should be a happy time, we should be enjoying our time together.
We have been apart for 3 years at school, and FINALLY we get to be together.  We have been engaged for a year and have spent less than a month total together during that time. 

After today, no more hiding it. I am going to enjoy it. I am gong to call this HOME,not Scotty's apartment.
It hurts our parents, I see that. Its why I have never called this home.  But now it is. I am getting married, he will be my husband in less than 6 months. This is the place we will live then.  Why do I have to wait til December to call it home? I don't. 

Ever tried to repress joy? It sucks. This has drained me emotionally, and I know it does not seem like a big deal at all but when you have to keep your whole life a secret its draining.  I haven't been able to be truly happy about the wedding either.  and now its over. :)

I'm Home

Homesick,,,,at Home?

Source: lovecreativerooms.blogspot.com via Louisa on Pinterest

Homesick at home?
How does that work?
Well in the South if you are a girl its pretty common that when you move off to college, you never move back home.  We marry people off early, Not saying I agree with it.
At any rate, when I moved off to college 3 years ago my parents moved as well.
I took everything I owned with me to college.
My parents place has 2 bedrooms, one is my mom's and the other is my dad's den. 
So there is one bed in this place, one bathroom, one couch.
I have no place to put my things, seriously I have been home for 6 weeks this summer and have had to live out of a suitcase the entire time.  At one point I laid out 3 days worth of clothes and put everything else in a storage shed just to get my luggage out of the way. 
Normally I keep everything in the car so I'm good whether I stay at home or the in-laws, or where ever.
Having my car in the shop had really messed that plan up as well.
So I am here, sleeping on a couch with all my clothes in a suitcase at the end of the couch for 3 straight weeks.
Oh and all my friends are like off married with kids or as I call it "playing house" these days. 
Makes for some boring days and nights. VERY boring. Small towns are great when you have someone to enjoy them with, not so much when its just you and the dog. 
I try going to the in-laws because I atleast have a bed to sleep in, but I always feel like I'm in the way there.
I come in and my stuff is stacked by the door, or in the back of a closet.
I'm ready to have a HOME to go to.
Where my clothes are hanging in the closet, my makeup is on the counter, i can stretch out on the couch and take a nap, i can come and go as I please without having to tell anyone where I am going.
After living alone for so long, it is a BIG transition to be home again.
I leave early Tuesday a.m. after that South Carolina is home. 
Talk about a BIG transition....

Everything Changes.

I normally only blog about people/events if I know that will be okay with it.

this time not so much :)

I normally use names

this time not so much.

Background info
I am a tom boy, my dad has always called me his son.
Pretty sure thats why I have always had more male friends than female.
I pretty low maintenance, easy to please, avoid drama at all cost, and I have the sense of humor of Dane Cook.

I like hunting, fishing, race cars, mud, and being mischievous.

Its just who I am.

Well I had/have a friend, I won't say I fell in love with him.

It was an odd, indescribable situation.

We never dated, but it was known by EVERYONE that there was a mutual interest in each other.

We hung out practically everyday, often into the wee hours of the morning. 

I had dated in the past, and still did but this situation ( i say situation because relationship isn't the right word either.)was different. I had nothing to lose. We were friends first, we both knew that.  GOOD friends, it went beyond my other friendships. I've always been comfortable being myself, at the time I was very confident in who I was.  But you have friends you can have those deep, meaningful conversations with and you have friends that you keep the conversations on the light side with. 

He was both. 

We could go have a crazy time on the weekends or just drive around looking at dream houses. Either was fine. We just clicked as friends in a way I really needed at the time. 

Anywho having such a good friend-relationship with the opposite sex leads to confusion.

Like is it more than friendship?  Why are we not dating? Why won't everyone shut up about us being perfect together? 

Needless to say, even with my tom-boyish "I got it covered" attitude I'm still hopeless at relationships. 

I wanted one.

Desperately

In the end it didn't happen. You know sometimes you try to date someone, it doesn't happen THEN things are uber awkward?

That so didn't happen.

 Things were fine Sort of. 

----Anyone remember Myspace?  yeah that thing before Facebook.

       there was a blog on your profile, most of us used them for the ridiculous surveys we would send back  
       and forth.  I used them for passive aggressive teen angst.

 I let out everything I wanted to say to him and waited for him to find them. 
Its so embarrassing now, but its also something I never want to lose. 

There is a LOT more that I thought, but again its crazy to see how I felt then. 

LOOONG story- shorter: I recently got to talk to this friend, he is happily married and has a precious little family now.  Talking to him confirmed what I already knew. I made a life long friend.  

Scotty was God's plan for me. 
Its still wonderful to have someone that can pick up and catch up after going years without speaking.

No pressure just two friends who know each other better than most others, and of course every now and then he likes to say "Remember when you were like head over heels, obsessively in love with me?" 

And of course I pretend like I have no clue what he is talking about. 

the rest of this"world's longest" post is old posts....like from Myspace!

you have to watch out.

sometimes the things you were so sure of can be gone in a flash

one quite ride home could send your life spinning

i'm glad it did.

it's amazing how you knock me off my feet.....everytime you come around me I get weak......nobody ever made me feel this way......you kiss my lips and then you take my breath away.......

I didn't ask for things to end up this way. I'm a planner I plan things. No where in my little blue book did I ever see this coming.  Sometimes its the little whirlwinds in life that make you realize you are alive.  The unexpected movie you never thought you'd watch.  The boy you're not sure how you met.  The poolside talks.  The almost sleepovers. The impromptu dancing under the stars. The plans of Nashville. Weekend Runaways 

It all makes me wish I had never been hurt so I could not have a worry and just take it all in. but Unfortunately I have been so I can't

but i'm trying.

Scout's Honor!

The past is just that The Past...its time to be left behind. Nothing can change it. No need to worry (i hope) For every crazy story you have with her, I have one with him. Every laugh, every fun time, every moment, and every memory. I have one of those too.   I just have to keep that in mind.

I've always been a lover not a fighter Some things in life are worth a fight.  I don't give up. This is a battle I won't lose again. Worthy opponent? Yeah so.... I've got what I want sorry chick you missed out.

:)

yeh sucks for you

find someone else's life to ruin
you can't touch mine anymore

this lil change is long overdue. all my stories have a new subject.  no need to be out everynight. i like saying goodnight.

i do sleep good....and have sweet most beautimus dreams
:)

its great and to think i almost threw it all away for a
WHAT IF

i almost threw it away for a quick fun night that noone would know about.

just that one last chance to see if things would work, now i'll never know

and quite frankly my dear i don't give a damn.

\Obviously I have not matured much since then.  Apparently this was when Scotty and I started dating and my other "situation" was ending.  SO DRAMATIC

Why can't we see things when we are messing them up?  Why does it always have to be too late, its already gone before we realize we even started to let it go. 

Ahh I'm just so confused by it all.

Watching me cry and caring.

Knowing it bothers you to see me that way. 

Knowing I'm avoiding the topic. Knowing the topic before I even open my mouth. 

Saying what I need to hear. Saying what I want to hear. 

Giving me the truth.  

Not letting me get my head hung up in the clouds.  

Showing me reality when I lose touch.  

Being approved of.  

Loving the good music. 

Partaking in the stupidity.  

Cherishing the quality time. 

Laughing. 

Smiling. 

Having impecable timing.

The half-asleep glances you think I don't see.  

Being a smartass to lighten the mood. 

Knowing when enough is enough. 

Kicking me out. 

Putting forth the effort.  

Deep Sleep. Short Temper. Minor Defects. The girn. The Laugh. The Head Shake. 

The respect you show me.

Strange sense of humor you accept. 

The useless knowledge I give you. 

The satisifaction of a job well done. 

The Uncertainty. The Wonder. How you keep me in awe.

I learn something new everyday. It grows everyday.

You = wow its amazing that all this is you and what you are to me.

 i love the type of friendship where you can go months without speaking then just pick up and carry on as if no time was ever lost.

i have never been one to say i am happy with where i am in life for long periods of time now is not an exception. i want to know IT was worth everything,ever night without sleep,every thought, every friend i have driven crazy, every date i have turned down. so i was told things are different now, that should be enough to keep me happy for a while right? well now i want to know whats gonna change. i am not complaining at all. i have all the paitence you could ask for but its nice to have a little something to hold on to a little something to say its not all a waste. its hard to keep going on when noone believes in you and everyone is in the back going paige you have lost your mind. it would be nice to have someone who actually said i was right every now and then but everyone thinks if you have to wait for something then IT is not worth it but i hate to tell them they are wrong...if i have told kyle one time i have told him a million times that as corny as it may sound the best things in  life are worth waiting on and if anyone has a problem with that they can tell me but they are not going to change my mind i am way too stubborn for that. i find something i want i am going to get it or get completely shot down neither has happened yet so i still have plenty of fight left in me. dont doubt me i will prove you wrong.

last night i looked over and saw someone that is a friend and would never be anything more. i am and always will be okay with that. tonight i look over and see someone that is a friend and i wish to be so much more..... in the past two days i have been faced by two people both have greatly affected my life and how i am who i am today. i started to think this was a terrible thing. jared sat there. we were the best of friends he was there for me for everything i was always convinced that we would always have that awesome relationship last night was so awkward to being with maybe not for him but for me it was. i have changed i am not that same little vulnerable girl he met five years ago. i have grown sure he did help mold me into the person i became but i don't believe he is happy with what i have become. i am sorry for that he taught me to make myself happy that is what i am trying to do. sorry i'm not perfect i never knew i had to be. i am just trying to go on with my life he has missed out on a lot and i can't go back and fill him in on it because the passion and emotion that was there isn't anymore, but i guess we will just have to pick up and keep going from where we are although our lives have pointed us in completely differnt directions .......agian i look over tonight and see the possibility and IT is amazing ((if you are reading this and think you have an idea of what IT is, then you probablly do and i apologize to all those i have driven crazy over the past three months as a result of me being introduced to IT)) know the feeling when you are at the beach and you look outside and the sun is setting and everything in the world is perfect....thats IT.....when you get up at the butt crack of dawn to go fishing and you are just sitting there watching the water....thats IT.....when you are sitting in the front porch swing late on a summer night watching the lightning bugs....thats IT.... that is the only way i know how to explain it but yeah....as kelly always says its a can't eat, can't sleep, over the fence, reach for the stars, world serises kind of thing and i am a firm believer in that. what is everyones problem these days i sit here and watch two of my good friends fight day in and day out with their signifigant other yet i am the one who is crazy do people not believe in the little things that matter anymore. what happened to trust adn faith in one another and caring and just all around showing other people that you care what would be so wrong with that. i have been getting critisized lately because i don't date around. it is reasons like that i don't. yeah it might be a little strange that i have a list of requirements a guy must meet before i even consider dating them, but you know if it saves me the heartache and keeps me from getting run over than maybe i am not the crazy one maybe one day people will realize its the little things in life that matter. actually listening and caring what people have to say. paying attention to other people's feelings. showing you care any way you can. being honest. and most importantly letting your guard down and putting your whole heart into a relatonship. if they are worth your time to date then they deserve to have you put your all into it. if it is going to be half heart then dont waste your time. there is no point. its like trying to play football when your heart isn't into it. no matter how much ability you have it could be better if you just put it all on the line, put your whole heart into it, and took the chance.......it has taken me almost a year and a half but i am finally ready for that again. all summer long i thought i was but it was not until last night that i realized just how ready i am now. sure i'm going to have my set backs and insecurities but as is stands right now here i am waiting for IT..........

every song from last night ......

I'm still here, but you don't trust at all And I'll be waiting Love and sex and loneliness Take what's yours and leave the rest So I'll survive God, it's good to be alive

Could you whisper in my ear
The things you wanna feel I'd give ya anythin' To feel it comin'.....I wanna wake up where you are
I won't say anything at all.......And I'll do anythin' you ever dreamed to be complete Little pieces of the nothin' that fall Oh May Put your arms around me What you feel is what you are And what you are is beautiful Oh May Do you wanna get married, or run away?........

.......goes back to you

When it's just me and you.
Who knows what we could do.
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day.
Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
Is more than just a word.

wow some sleep sure would be nice but i have pretty much given up on actully getting any, any time soon. too much on my mind

....... I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake

way to go IT keeping me awake yet again, not that i mind or anything but my Lord why do you have to be exactlly what i am looking for when i am looking for it?  I only wish you could know because you have no idea. Sure you have heard some of the things I have said about you but it is not even close to what all has been said. If only you really knew.

.........Cord is here i cannot even begin to explain how i feel about that. i thought if he ever came in i would be so excited but now that he is here i have mixed emotions about the situation sure i love him and would not want him to go back but in the same moment i know he will be going back and soon i just don't want to get so attached and accustomed to him being around that will only make him leaving again harder on the both of us. we are adults now its about time we let go of each other and move on with our lives we can't always be each others safety nets

Cause I'm bettin' my whole heart that you're gonna love me
And I've never took that kinda chance before My heart, be still, I'm havin' trouble breathin'  Wonderin' if you feel the same way that I'm feelin'  Cold sweat, so strange, I can't play it cool
My heart's out on a limb, and girl you'd be somethin' to lose
You'd be somethin' to lose You, me, we should get together now
Cause love may never give another chance
Please don't be afraid to let me in
Cause we may never get this moment back again
.........

went out with the kids tonight.

had a blast.

those two are absolutely crazy  i am jsut surprised we didn't get kicked out of Red Lobster. who would have ever thought that cracking crab claws could be so dang dangerous?

we have got to do that more often.

i need to be working on my halo playing before next week. i suck and its bad. welp i am off to find a copy of bum fights......♥.....

lightning crashes, a new mother cries
her placenta falls to the floor
the angel opens her eyes
the confusion sets in
before the doctor can even close the door
lightning crashes, an old mother dies
her intentions fall to the floor
the angel closes her eyes
the confusion that was hers

belongs now, to the baby down the hall
oh now feel it comin' back again
like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin' from the center of the earth again
I can feel it.
lightning crashes, a new mother cries
this moment she's been waiting for
the angel opens her eyes
pale blue colored iris,
presents the circle
and puts the glory out to hide, hide

I have went back and done some serious thinking, not that it has gotten me anywhere or anything. But I did realize that everything is going to payoff sooner or later, it may not be in the way I was hoping but that night I did tell Devan "Wait and see I will either date him or he will be my best friend.." And the way I see it if either happens then I will have added another extroidinary person to my life, this time it is someone who I respect, someone I see so much potential in, someone I see pushing me to be better and strive to be what I have always wanted to be : happy 
 Emmerson once said "our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be" maybe that's why I want him. Who knows. Keep calling me crazy you only make me more determined. Keep critisizing the way I do things, it will only remind me I can laugh in your face when it works out for me. When something seems this right to me I am not going to ignore it.
"Trust your instinct to the end, though you can render no reason".

First off the Staind Concert was great.

Got to hear Everything Changes and that made the whole show worth while to me. Hinder was a lot better live than I thought they would be. The ride home was almost as much fun to me as the concert. Those kids are crazy I swear. Good thing Ump knows how to pick people out so well or we would all be without some change right now.

Jackass 2 was great too from what I saw of it. I missed like the first 45 minutes but the rest was hilarious. Made me want to do mean things to people *l0l* better watch your back. Had a sleepover after the movie. Twas fun I forgot how much fun me and kelly have together. We're most likely the only two girls who actually enjoy watching Fyffe Highlights at 3 am. Oh me what a crazy night.....hopefully they will just keep on getting better......

My God its so beautiful when the boy smiles want to hold him but maybe I'll just write about him.....
Fair...woohoo I guess the whole crew ended up going. Not exactly the night I had planned on but I still had fun.  Had an unexpected person pop up that made me feel quite awkward. I have no idea why I'm not in any position where they should affect me but their precense just makes me so uncomfortable, talk about a buzz kill. I guess its just one of those things I am going to have to get used to and its not even a jealousy thing, its more of a what if thing. I have been there I know what it is like to have a person come back into your life just when you thought everything was going to be okay. Had fun acting a fool with Vanessa and Miranda. Those two are crazy, seems weird hanging out with two girls after being with the boys for like the past month. Miranda and our plans for the ice maker crack me up. Although I was ready to kill her over the penguin and all the trouble she was going through to ensure the penguin went home with the right person. My face has not been that red in a long time. I thought I was going to pull Miranda's arm off trying to run off.

Moving has finally hit me and it makes me miserable. This is the house I have lived in for 14 years. Almost every memory I have is in this house. It is gonna be hard to just up and go...

How can I help it if I think youre funny when youre mad
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
Im the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Cant understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of taking off my shirt

I don't believe that anybody could feel the way I feel about you now. I thought maybe you were gonna be the one to save me, who knows maybe you still will be. Who knows maybe you already have. You have showed me, taught me, and made me understand. Never have I wanted to chase my dreams so passionately, Never have I wanted to push my own limits, Never have I wanted to try so hard to be a better person and someone worthy to be admired. You make me think first, it is as simple as that nothing complicated in the least bit. Bestest most loved friend has become less of a joke and more of an actuallity to me the more I think about it.  You are what all friends should be. Always there when I need you even if it is in an unconventional, honesty without constrant who else would tell me those things, wanting the best for me and having respect for me. Maybe you don't see all these things the way I do. Is this all a facade to me. Something I have thought up on my own, As pessemistic as I am I find that hard to believe. I have to think everything out too much and have to look at every aspect and still question every little thing...that will most likely be my downfall. I know I am making something out of nothing. A simple friendship should never cause so much worry. I do love each and everyone of my friends I care deeply and worry about the well being about the well being of each of them. That is not the worry I am talking about. I have never put so much backing to a friend to the point their well being is on a pedastal above the others. That scares the life out of me. I hope I'm not neglecting the others. I honestly think I am I think it is more like I have taken the energy I once put in a negative part of my life and turned it into a positive thing which is always a good change of pace. Seems a little on the obsessive ans overly concerned side but I'm just being honest and tired of holding back. Deep down don't we all sort of have this inside of us but just can't say it.
I have no idea why all of that had to come out right now. I have the worst timing with thinking of things. Everything has finally hit me with life changing and not being able to do anything about it. Change is a 4 letter word in my book, it scares me like there is no tomorrow. But after some serious thought and some harsh advice from some valued friends It has finally dawned on me that Change IS inevitable and I hould embrace it instead of running from it. I should welcome each chance as an oppourtunity not an inconveinence. You only have one life to live why not make the most of it and positvely impact the most you can. A simple smile could change a person's outlook more than you know. Taking the time to get out of the bed and come sit on the hood of a car could be THE difference in one's life. You may not be aware but a  short time before you showed up they could have been sitting alone thinking there was no purpose to life, thinking they were not worthy of anyone's time, that they didn't mean anything to anyone but maybe you can change that without even knowing.....who knows maybe youre gonna be the one to save me over and over again more so than you already have..... 

Sometimes in life you are the father, sometimes the prodigal son and other times you are the brother. Lately Ihave found myself being the brother. The is greatly out of context and out on a limb but sitting in my mind so try to stay with me on this. As the brother I must not fall into his characteristics and follow his faults. I sould be respectful and campassionate and have empathy. The father has two sons one who has always been faithful, one who will never let the father down. Yet there is another son who has wasted away everything the father has given,one who thinks the father will forgive and forget every wrong doing done by him. Strangely enough the father does exactly as the prodigal son believed he would. The father knows the prodigal son will continue to do wrong and the other will not. Strange this thing called love it gives the father hope and the faith to back the prodigal son, but the same love gives the brother the strenght to sit back and admire the father and the prodigal son eximplifying love at its finest. i.e. where I find myself at this point. I can. I do. I will. I am a caring and compassionate friend or atleast I try to be that is why I can, I do, and I will. Don't judge me unjustly if you don't understand my ways.  I have reasons. Again maybe I am wrong in the way I live but maybe you are too. Hey, who is without sin, cast the first stone. Its a little different when the finger is pointing back at you huh? The things I say may seem wishy-washy and make me look fickle but you are generalizing and jumping to conclusions. Listen carefully to what I say when you ask me to explain, I will live my life by my convictions if my feelings should change my actions will follow. I'm not trying to deceive you or lie I am just trying to live my life according to what I believe is right for ME and getting myself to where I want to be. Pay attention I have said it many times....I make the rules up as I go.....
thanks acj 

*** Seriously a prodigal son reference??!?!?!***

I pray for all my friends at night but I pray a little harder that you are happy, I pray a little harder that you find your way, I pray a little harder that you succeed, I pray a little harder that you become more than you ever dreamed you could be.

Sitting in front of a huge house I can't help but think of you ssaying I am going to have to do good in school because one day when I am rich you are going to live in my basement and I am going to have to support you (i love that idea) But you were sitting next to me and it crossed my mind but I couldn't tell you. I didn't want you to know I remembered but I did.

I kept my promise, You said Whatever happens tonight don't be mad... I didn't get mad everyone else was mad, but I wasn't because you asked me not to be.

You said if anyone you knew could do it then it would be me, that's what gave me the faith to try...because you had faith in me.

You said don't be sad...So I cheered up.

You said I'm a good lil boy,....I laighed until I cried.

You said "u love us anyways"...and I didn't care that you went to Geno's without me

You told me I could come out on the basketball court....proved to me that small gestures mean the most.

"You've got to stand for something of you'll fall for anything" Will never leave my mind when I'm face to face with something I don't think I can handle.

You said you appreciated it, I took it to heart, that's so much more than a thank you, especially when its genuine, and I knew it was.

Hell, even Oscar likes me :)

You called me hunny because I said darling.

Never have I cherished a run to Albertville at 11pm just to keep someone company until now.

You apologized before I was mad.

YOu didn't want to take advanage of the situation so you didn't.

You made sure my birthday mattered even though you were hurting.

You tried to put the windshield wipers on even though it was 5 am pouring down rain and you had no clue how.

You slept sitting up so I could lay down.

You held the flashlight and took my hand.

You did all that you could so you thought you wouldn't hurt me.

You let me win at bowling...and kicked my butt at air hockey.

Bottle Rocket Wars that led to being "naked" behind Winn Dixie.

You let me lead the way at Horton House

Hot Jager---- because you don't believe in iced liqour.

The ouija board knows all of everyone's dirty little secrets.

You knew my hips don't lie...coming out of the cave.

EVERYONE KNOWS I"M IN OVER MY HEAD.

You we're so gonna let me drive the Dodge, instead you slung mud all over us.

You promised to take good care of me while they were gone.

YOu laughed at the way I wiggle my nose and twitch in my sleep.

You knew it was important so you came.

You saw my heart break and you did all you could to try to fix it.

You threw a quarter at my head, Devan knew I would keep it.

You said love still matters, I didn't even know you but I knew you'd been hurt and that you meant it.

You got out of bed to make me quit crying.

You talked to me at 3am like it was important or something.

You laughed at my ugly shoes so I wore them again.

Just so you know: The Jersey made me Invincible.

I drew on your face with a permanent marker but you just laughed and drew on me.

You helped me get the deer drunk.

You made me forget.

You've got my flag: I've got your beads.

Wet tee shirt contests have never been so much fun.

You brought a whole new meaning to sucking at Halo...then you beat me.

You *tried* to get me to play washers and darts but I knew I could never stick darts the places you did.

I always got your beer, You always opened my cans.

You Don-Vito'ed me on my birthday and that was more than I could've asked for.

I cried on my birthday, you knew it but tried to hide it, you ate your chili and talked about the Braves....it made my night.

You told me to come to Don Panchos even though Britt was pissed.

You whispered in my ear because you were drunk and thought I couldn't hear you... It was hott.

We watched football highlights until 3am just so I could hear the song at the end..... it was worth it to see the look on your face everytime you remembered that last football season. Seeing your dad and you on the field brought tears to my eyes but I would never let you know that

You would always fall asleep but still text back to say good night.

You woke me up snoring then denied it.

You fought me over your keys all night; I knew you weren't driving if my life depended on it.

My butt is not bigger than a planet

Had I known Roller Coaster of Love was going to be one of the last songs we ever car Karaoked to I would have sung 10 times louder. Had I known Jackass 2 would have been the last movie night we had I would have stayed at the theatre all night. Had I known that night at Kelly's would have been the last slumber party together Tickle Time would have lasted twice as long, I wouldn't have fallen asleep at all, I would have laid in bed instead of hoping up and rushing home the next morning, I would have stayed up to watch ya'll play football, I would have left the window open and made it  that much colder. I would have brought two bottles of water with me. And most of all I would have looked at you when I said good night why?Because I was smiling and the sun was coming up. I miss that.

All of this is why you are my bestest most-love-ed friend.....and I miss that, nothing breaks a heart more than a best friend.But for the time that's what you were and I am eternally thankful for that....